Dear Brother,
It has been sometime since I’ve written you, and I realize it is because I over think what I should say. Therefore my purpose is to think less, and say more and let you sift through it. My primary purpose today is to give you practical advice about how to overcome your addiction. I’d like to share with you what I felt the key behaviors were that helped me finally gain control over my addiction.
1) Fathers Blessings. I can’t begin to tell you how much father’s blessings made a difference in overcoming my addiction. The great strength came from many sources including the outpouring of the Spirit that came during the blessing, the power of the priesthood being utilized in my behalf, as well as heavenly words spoken given to me from a loving Father in heaven through my earthly father. Even now I have reflected upon many different statements made from many of my father’s blessings that remind me of things that I need to do to stay strong against the adversary.
2) Going to the Temple. The temple was a beacon of guidance to me throughout my journey. In Bountiful it sits high on the hill above the valley for all to look up to. The symbolic ascending from where I lived to where the temple was reminded me of the daily battle I had to rise above the filth that called out to me and to reside in a holier, higher place.
What I do want to clarify is that by saying that I went to the temple it doesn’t mean that I went to do work. Quite the contrary actually. There were many times I went and just sat in the parking lot with my car parked toward the temple and reflected upon the gospel and what I needed to do to align myself with who God wanted me to be. Each time I left, even just from sitting outside in my car, I felt renewed and uplifted. The temple is a great source of power in helping to overcoming addiction.
3) Running. You know that I have never been good at the whole exercising thing brother, but a good run did wonders for me in renewing my strength and focus. Many times when I was feeling tempted to relapse that I went for a run–not a leisurely jog–but a fast paced, all out run. First, it was symbolic of me running away from the temptations that were trying to pull me back down, just as Joseph ran from Potipher’s wife. But secondly, it strengthen the control I had of my body. I would set a limit of time or distance that I was going to run and when I would reach that limit, I push it just a little bit further even though my lungs and legs ached. I wanted to show my body that I was in charge and that it’s desire couldn’t get the best of me.
I will also add that having good music that inspires and drives you in combination with a good work out can be very refreshing for your soul and can clear your mind of unhealthy thoughts.
4) Fasting. Much of what I said about running and using it as a means to show the body who is boss directly applies to fasting. I have come to greatly appreciate the strength fasting gives to me. When I have fasted with a purpose and for a a set period of time, it provides a tremendous spiritual boost. I find that the following week so many more areas of my life are put into place such as my connection to the Spirit, my ability to get up at an early hour, my ability to focus on things that need to be done, etc.
Similar to what I said about running past the limit I had set, I found that I can apply this to fasting as well. For instance, I might state that I am going to fast until 5 PM. Sometimes I have ended my fast at that time, but many times I have a stirring in my heart that tells me to go a little longer–that there is more that I can get from my fast. I then extend my fast a little longer–sometimes by 10 or 15 minutes, sometimes an hour; I have even gone til the next day before. Each time I have gone past my intended limit, I have found the extended period of time to be more beneficial and strengthening than the rest of the time I was fasting. As I once heard someone say, “When temptation slows you down, go fast.”
5) Battle Study. At least once a week, I set time aside to study a book that directly discussed some element of my addiction. Sometimes I would read a chapter or two regarding an area I had struggled with in particulary, or sometimes I would just read from beginning to end of a book. I found that increasing my awareness of the problem–how and why it worked, what experts had to say on the subject, what other people had done to beat it, etc.–that it provided me valuable insight on course corrections that I then needed to make or might need to make in the future.
Why call it battle study? Because I felt it was a period of time that I was studying the actions of the enemy I was currently engaged in battle with. Through studying how the enemy worked, I could be one step ahead of them and thereby avoid his snares and traps in the future. I didn’t read for the fun of it; I read so I would know how to win the fight of my life.
6) Keep a Journal. The best thing I have ever done with a journal was when writing about my addiction. It has been said that ”When performance is measured, performance improves. When performance is measured and reported, the rate of improvement accelerates.” (Thomas S. Monson, Conference Report, Oct. 1970, 107) Keeping a journal about your recovery helps measure your recovery performance and also provides a place to report. Similar to Nephi who had two places–one set to write the history of his people and the other to write the things of his soul, I have often kept two journals: one to write about my life day to day and the other to keep track of where I was in overcoming my addiction. My recovery journal was a safe place that I could write my frustrations of the day after a slip up as well as the successes when I overcame a moment of temptation. It was where I wrote down notes from father’s blessings, or insights from a meaningful scripture study. I used it to report how my ‘dailies’ went–things that I needed to do on a daily basis to overcome my addiction including scripture study, prayers, exercise, battle study, etc.) It was where I took notes in my 12-step meetings or other groups that I went to (someone in one of the meetings once made the comment that “even the most beautiful flowers have to grow through dirt.”)
After my last relapse in April 2009, my reporting happened daily and consisted of two key sentences. The first I wrote in the morning and it said to the effect, “Today I will not engage in my addiction.” At the end of the day I would then report simply, “Today, I did not engage in my addiction.” It seems like a simple thing, but by keeping it at the forefront of my mind and wanting daily consistency in my journal strengthened me greatly.
7) Having an Accountability Partner. I would have never made it if it were not for people who cared about me. I had many different accountability partners over the years, including my dad, mom, and fiance. I appreciated visiting with my dad because I knew that he would patiently listen and then share insight. He did not judge or condemn, but would offer a hug and words of encouragement.
My brave wife, then fiance, did what must have been somewhat frightening for her, but what helped me a great deal. Before our marriage she would daily ask me if I had relapsed. I knew every day that she would ask me and it served as a tremendous motivation to slip-up because I did not want to hurt or disappoint her.
Ultimately it has always helped to talk about it. That’s been the greatest help an accountability partner has given to me–its been a way to get it out in the open. Addictions are a very personal thing and it can be easy to keep them hidden and in the dark. But an addiction kept secret and in the dark will never be recovered from. I know that by talking about it openly with others it has helped me to understand differerntly, and has also made me unafraid of it. I am willing to talk to anyone I need to about it because of open conversations I became used to having with my accountability partners.
8) Studying the Book of Mormon. Far above and beyond any self-help book or manual you could read, the Book of Mormon will help you the most. I came to realize that the words of Joseph Smith are true when he said that “the Book of Mormon will bring you nearer to God by abiding by it’s precepts than by any other book.” Our addictions have pulled us further from God than we have ever been, so it makes perfect sense to study cafefully the book that will reconnect us to him.
I came to realize that the Book of Mormon is a step-by-step manual on how to overcome addiction. I intend to write another letter recounting how many of the accounts in the Book of Mormon teach about overcoming addiction; until then, I encourage you to search the book for words of recovery and healing. Ultimatley the greatest strength that the book gives us is a gentle reminder about the redemption we can find within the Atonement of the Savior. It reminds us that if we will come unto him, he will heal us (3 Nephi 9: 13) turn our weakness into strength (Ether 12:27) and ultimately perfect us (Moroni 10:32).
I hope that what I have shared with you will help you in your journey for recovery. It is a very challenging battle that you are waged in, but you can and will win if you put forth the effort necessary and rely on the redeeming power of Christ. You are truly dear to me, and even more dear to your Father in Heaven. Don’t give up the fight!
Sincerely,
Your Brother
What has helped you overcome your addiction? Write a letter or comment below about your experiences and suggestions.
